See the Truth
by Immi
Summary: Companion piece to 'Tell Me Lies'. Extremely angsty CathSara.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. If I did, lots of fun stuff that would probably get me lynched would happen.

**AN:** I honestly never thought I'd do a companion bit, I honestly think I regret it. Oh well.

* * *

I can't believe she said those things. 

I knew she hated me at first sight, but to actually hear her say those things… I couldn't even stand to respond. I just left. Ran away.

For a second, I could imagine that her eyes clouded over with regret after she told me exactly what she thought of me.

But I know that I was just trying to make myself feel better. Being in love with Catherine… God, the things it's made me think. There were times when I would have sworn under oath that I saw love and desire in her eyes- all for me.

All of that was just a fucked up fantasy, though.

I already knew that.

The confirmation wasn't needed.

If she hadn't said that she hated me, I could pretend that it was just another one of our classic fights, and we'd awkwardly apologize in the locker room next shift. But that won't happen.

At least, any apology that would make me feel better won't happen.

She meant the things she said. She might regret saying them at work, but she still meant them. Her intensity when she spoke proves that.

Her intensity… one of the things I… love about her… Oh God…

I close my eyes against the tears threatening to spill. I don't want to cry over this. I have never cried over romantic problems before- I'm not about to start.

Not over someone who hates me.

I chuckle darkly. At least she cares. She actually bothered to tell me that she hates me, after all. I'm not so insignificant that I get ignored by her.

"_I fucking **hate **you, Sidle!"_

I can't remember any of the other cruel things that she said. Just that one statement. It's funny. I have a good memory when it comes to insults. But all I can remember is her beautiful voice masked by her anger when she said that.

Usually I get a rush out of arguing with her… All of her passion focused only on me… it's a wonderful feeling.

There was no rush today. Just a whole lot of pain.

Pain that I have no clue how to deal with.

I let the tears fall. My eyelids stop burning quite so much.

I'm going to have to deal with that pain every time she takes a casual glance at me. Every time I see her at work.

I…

I don't think I can do that.

I just don't… I can't do that.

Tears are starting to slip off my cheek and onto my clenched fist. I love her too damn much to go through that.

An image of a spiky haired lab rat pretending to be a rockstar stops me from immediately heading to my bathroom and ending this.

He's my best friend. I can fix things with him, at least.

I pick up my cell phone and dial Greg's number with shaky fingers.

_"Sanders?"_

"Hey Greg."

_"Sara! Hey! Since you ran out of here so quickly I was worrying if you were even still alive!"_

I flinch and nearly drop the phone.

"Greggo… I love you. Bye."

_"Sar-"_

I turn off the phone. It wasn't much… hardly anything... but… at least he got it.

Without really thinking, my fingers dial Catherine's number. I just… I need her to know. I can't fix things with her, but… I want her to know.

Answering machine. Not a surprise. I hope Lindsey doesn't hear this.

"Hey… Catherine. It's… it's Sara. You probably already knew that. Caller ID and everything. Probably why you didn't pick up. I just called to say…"

My throat gets stuck, and my body starts to shake with silent sobs.

But I get it out.

"I love you, Cath. And… knowing that you hate me… I can't deal with that. Whatever I did… whatever happened to make you hate me… I am so sorry…"

I don't say goodbye. My voice has just died on me. It wouldn't mean anything to her anyways. So I hang up and walk to the bathroom.

I reach for the knife on the counter, and raise it up, trying not to drop it when chills rush through my veins.

I press the blade down into the first wrist, feeling more tears falling from my eyes in response to the pain. Or maybe the relief.

A minute later, I'm lying on the floor, staring numbly as my blood pools around the dropped knife.

I hear the doorknob rattling.

Maybe… maybe Greg will make it in time.

Even though Catherine won't.


End file.
